What triggers you outside is to be healed inside
It was a merry gathering of friends, there was laughter and teasing. Everyone was having a great time. And then one of the “friends” whom I barely knew turned to me and asked:
“You don’t work, right?”
Those words pierced my heart.
The juvenile voice in me wanted to lash back and say, “No, I don’t, because unlike you I don’t have my parents staying with me to take care of my kids and the house.” But the sane me throttled my voice and stayed quiet.
I am sure she had absolutely no idea how her words had hurt me. It felt as if my choice of staying back from work to raise my kids had somehow demeaned my status in society. I wanted to lash out at the world, at my situation, at my husband, everything that I thought was responsible for pushing me to make that choice.
And then that night, as is my nature, I reflected on “WHY” those words brought up so many emotions in me. Why did I feel so angry at her? Why did I feel so judged and demeaned by that one question?
The answer came loud and clear.
Because I judge myself for not “working.” I believed that my value in this world was based solely on the paycheck I brought home. I could gain the respect of my family and friends ONLY when I achieved a certain level of success.
And this is where my work started.
I thought long and hard about where this belief stemmed from. What cultural conditioning taught me that a person's worth is only based on their worldly achievements? After many months of deep self-reflection and contemplation, I came to the conclusion that my worth and value is solely based on how much
I value myself.
Your worth is based on self acceptance and self love. No achievement in this world can bring value to you unless you value yourself. There are numerous instances where we are baffled as to why such successful and impactful people choose to end their life; despite leading envious lives, they remain unsatisfied inside.
Through tremendous inner work throughout the years, now when I get triggered by anything outside me I jump up with joy, excited for the next knot to be untied and for me to be set free.
So when something or someone triggers that feeling, you ask yourself:
Why does it hurt so much?
Is this something I believe to be true? (be 100% honest with yourself)
What is unresolved there?
How can I release it?
LET IT GO!
If you need a partner to guide you through this journey you can reach out to me or any life coach you resonate with.
Always remember you are always one decision away from a totally different life!
❤️🦋 Love Always
Anu Desai
